


What The Actual Hell Man!

by Allwalkfree



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves is horrified, Family Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 21:26:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18106787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allwalkfree/pseuds/Allwalkfree
Summary: Messing with Five's family never goes over well for anyone. When Klaus is confronted by a hateful man, Five is there to clean up the mess.





	What The Actual Hell Man!

Klaus never understood how he got himself into situations like these.

Sighing, he pushed his hair back out of his eyes, raising his other arm in the universal sign of ‘I don’t want any trouble’. “Come on man,” he mumbled. “Why don’t we call this a day, and I’ll just get outa your hair?”

The burly man in front of him didn’t look that into the plan. “Fuck you,” he hissed.

Klaus clammed his mouth shut. Stopping himself from blurting out the words that would guarantee him a beating.  

The stranger took a step towards him. ‘ _He’s trying really hard to look intimidating,’_ Klaus mused,  _‘I would be impressed if I wasn’t so unimpressed.’_

His lips twitched and he let out a soft giggle.  

“Something funny Bitch!”

The man shoved him hard in the chest.  

Klaus raised both of his arms. “No, no, nothing at all.”

“You’re fucking disgusting,” the man foamed. “People like you shouldn’t be walking around my street.”

Klaus pursed his lips, eyebrows coming together at the center. “Where you born on this street or something?” he asked.

The man punched him, and Klaus saw stars.

Stumbling back, he grabbed his aching jaw. “Damn,” he hissed, bloody grin splitting across his cheeks. “You pack a mean punch big man.”  

He wiggled his eyebrows at him.

This was the last straw for the weirdo, who had out of the blue decided it was his job to take care of the gay guy on the street.

Reaching out with a ferocious swipe, the burly man clenched his fist around Klaus’s collar.  

“Your kind disgust me,” he spat out, slamming the lanky man against the wall. “Aint nothing manly or right about you.”

Klaus might have flinched, or felt hurt, if he hadn’t heard these shitty words almost every day growing up. “Ain’t nothing manly about you either dude,” he gritted out, breath coming out in silent gasps.

The antagonist just tightened his grip even more. “If I kill you now,” he said, eyes blazing with such hatred, Klaus kinda had to give him props. “I would be doin the world a huge favor.”

“You don’t say,” he mumbled. His vision starting to blur.  

 _‘Where the hell was Ben?’_ Not feeling the ghost anywhere near him, he sighed.  _‘Maybe this was for the best. Who would have thought? Klaus Hargreeves dying from hate crime.’_ He almost laughed out loud. ‘ _How ridiculously stupid.’_

He didn’t die that day though.  

A screeching noise drifted into his ears. Snapping his eyes back open, he saw a familiar car taking a violent turn around the corner, making obnoxious honking sounds all the way.

“What the..?” The man said, staring confusedly at the car hurtling towards them.

He had apparently brought out a pocket knife while Klaus was distracted, and now said knife was just dangling from his fingers, forgotten.  

Klaus could take it easily. He probably should take it, but he wanted to see how this situation was going to play out, so he didn’t.

Maybe he should’ve.

For the car didn’t actually stop. It slowed down, but it didn’t stop. Instead it took a sharp turn into the sidewalk and slammed with all the force of a car not yet standing still, into the side of the man holding Klaus.  

Burly flew across the air, slapping with a sickening thud on the ground.

Klaus could swear the man bounced at least twice.

“What the fuck!” Klaus screamed. “What the actual living fuck!”

The driver side of the door swung open, and little number Five stepped out, hands casually in his pockets, and ghost Ben hovering beside him looking horrified.

“Five?” Klaus whispered. Eyes still wide as their mom’s dinner plates.

Five looked over at him. “You ok?”

“Am I ok?” Klaus fingers came up to run over his frazzled hair. “Am I ok?” he repeated. “You just ran over a bloody man, man!”

Five scoffed. “It was intentional.”

“I fucking know! But why?”

His brother just shrugged, calmly walking passed him, and towards his victim.  

“Stop him Klaus,” Ben said, shock and awe mixing together with desperation across his face.

“Five? Hey bro, could you not kill him if he aint dead yet, please?” Klaus said, quickly walking after his brother, Ben close at his heels.

Five didn’t reply, instead choosing to kick the downed man on the ribs.

Burly let out a broken sob. “Please,” he whispered. “Please don’t hurt me.”

Five kicked him again. Klaus winced.

“Have we learned our lesson today?” he asked. Voice as carefree and light as if he was talking about the weather and not just torturing a man, he had moments ago hit with his fucking car.

“What? I what?” came Burly’s pleading tone.

Five lifted his leg threateningly.  

“I have! I have! Please stop,” the man pleaded through busted lips, trying desperately to roll away or do anything really.

He looked pathetic, Klaus observed. His heart twitched in sympathy.  

“Good,” Five said, turning around, and walking back to his car, or Diego’s car, whatever.

“Let’s go Klaus.”

Klaus blinked.  

“How did you even know I was in trouble?” Falling into steps with his brother, he looked at him with disbelief. Burly quickly forgotten, like yesterday’s news.

Five scoffed. “Please, you honestly think I don’t have a tracker on all of you?”

“What?”


End file.
